Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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