i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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