I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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