I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
