There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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