i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
