She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize