he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
