I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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