I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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