I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
