but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
