I just threw up on my dentist
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
