Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
