last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
