So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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