Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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