Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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