He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i drank out of a bidet.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
