We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
