Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
