In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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