All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
