We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
