I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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