I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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