I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
