Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
