My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
