woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
