Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
