he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
