4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
