I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
