He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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