yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
