so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
