Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
