I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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