I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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