4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
