No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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