This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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