maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
