I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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