Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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