There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
