the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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