3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
