My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize