I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
