yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
