Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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