$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
