I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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