she woke up with a sticky ear
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
