I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
