I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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