man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
