You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
