what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
